As I climb the slow and steady mountain of aging, as time sneaks up behind me, I’m more tentative about my choices, about the paths I take. I pay extra special to attention caring for my body, mind and spirit. I’m also intent on following in the footsteps of faith-fueled wise women who climbed before me, like the reverent woman described in Proverbs who ‘opens her mouth with wisdom‘, the one whose ‘kindness is on her tongue’, ‘whose worth is far more precious than jewels‘.
The one with fading eyes that sparkle.
Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her. Proverbs 31:28
For this to me is the sort of woman who is beautiful.
I want to ascend the mountain gracefully, accepting inevitable changes in my body, mind and heart. I want to be present in God’s moments, allowing minutes to unfold like buttercups opening in the sunshine.
I recall mid-year, at fifty two, my skin starting a decent, losing it’s first phase of elasticity. The grim moment when I looked in the mirror noticing two narrow sacs of skin that looked like tiny hammocks, the walls of my youthful imaginings crumbled. I finally understood my Italian grandmother who at 95 years old said, “I feel like I’m 25, but when I look in the mirror I wonder what happened.” My mirror shared unabashed truth – that I arrived at the first step on the doorstep of wither, wrinkle and droop. I finally got it that day, that I would age. I never before wanted to believe it could happen to me.
I thought of those women before me who may have experienced an alarming moment when they awakened to their aging bodies as they undressed at night, noticing thicker waists, sagging breasts, wisps of gray hair, or thin skin on their thighs. I realized, too, like all, they lived, they aged, they died. And they entered the pearly gates where age is no more.
In San Diego, I’m surrounded by glamorous women with made-up faces, fake breasts, and sculpted bodies, and the not so beautiful women who had plastic surgery, those with large, puffy lips, and tightened, shiny faces without a wrinkle. I often wondered why I cringed when I saw women around town, and famous aging actresses, who look a slight version of themselves, like their alien twin arrived on Star Trek Enterprise, their faces taunt, lifted, shifted, Botox pumped, with new noses, wrinkle free. I finally realized, wrinkles are the story lines on our faces, treasure maps of stories we weathered and weaved. Who would we be without these defining lines of our lives? Wrinkles, like tree rings on tree trunks marking their age, are proof we lived stalwart lives, that we branched off in new directions, that we weathered winters, dropped leaves, blossomed, bloomed and produced fruit.
Dendrochronology is the science of studying the past by looking at tree rings. In a similar way, we can study the lives we lived by our studying our wrinkles.
I like to observe elder women, higher on the mountain of wrinkles and sags, those aging naturally, without the tucks and lifts. They warm my heart, especially those comfortable with their round full bodies, pearls around their turkey necks, red lipstick lining invisible lips. I love hearing my dear British mother-in-law saying things things like, “I ate too much bread today and it’s gone more to my chin.” For a few days she might stop eating pastries from the local bakery, “my chin looks much thinner, don’t you think”?
I find even the cranky ladies interesting, those with drooping jowls, burrowed brows, and deep, thick lines like dark trenches in war zones marking their faces, maps of stories unfinished, unforgiven, still miffed about life that they’ll even take it out on you.
The first time I recognized I was aging was when I had taken a part time job at a local Montessori based pre-school when I was finishing a documentary. I needed a distraction, and as my son was then a 10-year old moving toward pre-adolescence, I yearned to be around little children again. Darling little three-year old Annika, with her serious and pensive manner, more like a little woman than a child, looked at me one day, worried and serious. “You look old,” she said. Devastation. My first knock-down, wake up call to aging. In denial, I said, “Oh, I’m just tired”. Later I went home and looked at myself closely in the mirror. I looked old and tired. I hadn’t noticed. I had been busy, worn down with too much work and worry. Tiny spidery wrinkles had formed on my chin, and my mouth turned downward accentuated inklings of falling jowls. Smiling a fake smile, I decided to make an appointment to get my hair highlighted. The next day I actually thought I looked better, somehow my skin looked tighter, or maybe the power of denial was on my side.
Ah yes, the words of the Preacher, the son of David, king in Jerusalem and the wisdom teachings ring true:
“Vanity of vanities, says the Preacher,
vanity of vanities! All is vanity“. –Ecclesiastes
“And you, O desolate one, what do you mean that you dress in scarlet, that you adorn yourself with ornaments of gold, that you enlarge your eyes with paint? In vain you beautify yourself“.-Jeremiah 4:30
Aware of my fortune, that I’m blessed with life, and graced with love and good health, I welcome my wrinkles and tiny sags a whole lot more. And I continue to learn from the wise women who walked before me, the Saints, Ruth, Naomi, Mary, Mary Magdalene, Elizabeth, the blessed followers of Christ, and wise women who understood:
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who loves the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30
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“I finally realized, wrinkles are the story lines on our faces, treasure maps of stories we weathered and weaved.” I never thought about wrinkles that way before 🙂 I hope that I am aging gracefully, thought sometimes I don’t feel like it. I don’t always want to accept my aging body, but I realize that God’s love doesn’t depend on how I look or feel. I am a beloved daughter of God and I need to live that way regardless of my sags and wrinkles. Thanks so much for your encouraging post! I’m visiting from #TestimonyTuesday. We just started following each other on Twitter, too. 🙂 Blessings to you!
Thanks for visiting Gayl! I’m learning, God’s grace and love is sufficient, and aging is part of God’s story, it brings us wisdom to live a life filled with the spirit, to be a light for others. As we accept our aging bodies, we lean into faith the joy of the spirit!
Boy, can I relate to looking in the mirror and wondering what happened! But I am thankful that at this stage of my life I’m not so worried about the wrinkles anymore. The Lord finally got my attention that what I look like on the inside is so much more important than what I look like on the outside. Joining from #RaRaLinkup.
Hi Sabra, the beauty is that God gives us wisdom as we age, so we can let go of vanity and focus on living a life filled God’s love and grace!
oy i can SO relate to the “wider hips” part of this 😀
Andi, that’s so funny!
Thank you for the encouragement. As a believer in Jesus, I know that what God says is true. The scriptures that you shared are the truth that we place in our hearts to determine our attitude and actions. It is sometimes hard to not be affected by the values of the world, and so we need to encourage one another and ourselves with the truth about our real value, worth, and beauty. And, I think that it is important to set an example for younger women by growing more beautiful in spirit even as our body is aging.
Hi Diane, so lovely to have you visit, and thank you for your comment. You’re so right, it’s a constant battle to take the narrow way, away from what the world values. But as women who seek God’s way, we encourage one another, and such scriptures help us to remember when we get pulled into the world’s ways!
Oh boy – can I relate! I just turned 58 a few days ago! Lots of things internally and externally change as we “mature” don’t they???? ha ha – great article – I’m right there with you!
Hi Claire! Welcome to 58, Happy Birthday! Me, too, just turned 58 in July.. I’m chuckling reading your comment! We’re on a new journey aren’t we! Always special to share it with other women who really understand! Great to have you visit!
I am fast approaching 65 and I think (maybe) I am beginning to accept aging with a grace-filled humility! I am #59 at Jennifer’s place today (wish it was my age, LOL!!!)
Hi Susan, how wonderful! You offer perspective, perhaps I have a few more years to finally accept it with grace-filled humility! So glad you visited!
Yup…..I call my lines “victory lines”…..God has given me victory during every challenge, choice and change!! I love the way you write……God is using you my friend!! Hope to see you soon!
How I love that! ‘Victory lines’..perfect!! Thank you as always for your encouragement Rebecca, I always so much appreciate your comments and support! It means much! I look forward to having tea again!
It’s a journey, isn’t it? I sat once in one of those machines that takes your picture and ages you (at a museum) it was more than a little devastating. So far, I have pretty intense smile wrinkles which, when I think of them as a record of every smile I’ve been given, don’t seem so bad after all. Thanks for linking with #SmallWonder!
It sure is a journey Kelly, and I just love to hear about your smile lines — what beauty! How amazing that you actually had a chance to see an older version of yourself at a museum! Oh my gosh, I don’t think I’d be so brave, but what a way to wake up us to our mortality and need for God everyday!
I love this post.
Thanks so much Denise, appreciate!
Kathy, thank you for your beautifully humbling story of the little girl’s comment that inspired you to respond with: “I’m just tired” AND then a quick trip to the hairdresser. By the way, I love your hair and whenever I see you I am reminded of how my hair looked when I was young with those natural sun highlights….Gorgeous! I am 55 and celebrated my 27th wedding anniversary this year. Even though, I know that our bodies are shells for our more important spirits, I am still super grateful that my husband calls me “beautiful” every day. I practice medicine and over half of my patients have had plastic surgery and/or regular invasive beauty treatments (i.e. botox, fillers, lazer peels etc. etc.). Many of them were encouraged to have procedures done by their partners or husbands. The Southern California statistics of the money and risk women invest into anti-aging is ASTOUNDING. It is important to note that the studies show that of women who have plastic surgery over 50% feel no better about themselves after the procedure. I am watching a fabulous Netflix original series called Frankie and Grace that stars Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin. Both women are over 65 who are needing to redefine themselves after they learn their law partner husbands are gay and are divorcing them to marry each other. I just learned that Jane is 77 years old ……she exudes beauty inside and out. I love what she said in an interview in the Guardian: “I like helping younger women be less afraid of getting closer to death. I’m 77 but I’m very youthful, I have passion. I have curiosity, .I’ve always had a lot of energy. I have a fake hip, knee, thumb; more metal in me than a bionic woman, but I can still do Pilates.” “Looking at age from the outside is so scary. But when you’re inside age-and I’m very much inside age-it isn’t scary at all. You need maturity to learn this, but it’s important to figure out what you need to do for yourself every day to decompress. I meditate. And I always get eight hours of sleep.” Jane is iconic and I find her life story fascinating. Her highly celeb father, Henry, was in chronic depression. Her mother, killed herself while in a mental institution when Jane was only 12 years old. Jane was an atheist most of her life. However in her 60s she adopted Christianity (with a feminist/Eastern religious bent— LIKE ME!!!). Jane’s lifelong resilience and spiritual seeking, despite her girlhood emotional deprivation AND her endless passion for life and great attitude is a story I really needed to hear at this phase of my life. I truly believe that connecting daily with the DIVINE supports us to maintain our passion for life, love and spiritual depth. In so doing, we become ageless. Finally, Kathy darling…….May I please have your hairdresser’s phone number?
First, thank you I so much enjoy reading your comments! What a beautiful gift that your husband calls you “beautiful” every day (you are in all ways!). What a blessing to hear this gift every day from your dear husband! I’m amazed by Jane Fonda’s story, I didn’t know she lost her mother to suicide. Wow, I did know she was a spiritual seeker, but would like to learn more about how she got through such a difficult tragedy as a young girl. I’m also fascinated by the statistics about those who got plastic surgery. Amazing that 50% aren’t satisfied! ..True contentment comes from the peace of God that surpasses all understanding..
Nothing wrong with self-care, taking care of ourselves, looking healthy and dressing well, but true beauty comes with God’s light shining through!
PS I’ll send my hairdresser’s number!
Another perfect story for us ladies who are post 40 is captured in the film Clouds of Sils Maria. The film is now available at Redbox. Juliet Binoche stars as a film actor battling insecurity after a hot young star is offered the key role in a new adaptation of the play that made her famous. It is very timely for this discussion. I don’t want to spoil your film experience so won’t say anymore. Just know that Juliet is brilliant…..the ultimate message is lovely……..
I just saw this film recently! Very interesting, and she was brilliant! I always liked her, and the message was beautiful.
She handled it all so naturally!
Hi Kathy, we connected via LinkedIn earlier this summer. I so needed this encouragement. At 44, I feel age coming like a freight train, but your article and the voices in the comments are like living water to my soul! I’ve subscribed to your blog and am off to read your Quelling the Yelling post. With two 11 yr olds and 7 yr olds, that peace I need to demonstrate is elusive but not out of reach! <; Blessings to you from Austin, Texas!
Hi Cathy, How wonderful to see you here! I love to hear the post resonated with you, especially as your entering into a new phase at 44, we all need perspective don’t we!! And being moms, we certainly need mutual support! So grateful you signed up to the blog, and eager to share this adventure with you! Blessings!