We deal with troublemakers, those crafty people who get under our skin, wrecking havoc on our otherwise harmonious families, workplaces and communities, spreading ill-ease like an infectious disease. The truth is, troublemakers are often troubled people.
Often prideful, ego-maniacal, jealous, controlling, ignorant, unhappy, angry, well-disguised sociopaths or mentally unbalanced — and some just Godless — troublemakers are wolves in sheep’s clothing, trolls under the bridge. Adept at rolling over anyone in their way, they start arguments, lie to get ahead, blame, master manipulate, con, tear apart, and rule unjustly. What’s worse, they sniff you out because they know you know, you with x-ray vision who stand for truth, can see right through them. With all their false, yet potent power, they make sure you’ll never reveal the less than powerful wizard they are behind the curtain.
All their guns are out, aimed at you – the truth teller, the justice seeker, the princes and princesses of truth, and they’re out to win. They’re master spin-doctors, they get the jobs you should have, they try to steal your kid into illicit worlds, they’re wolves in sheep’s clothing. They win lawsuits through lies, sadly, they pull it off, even climbing right over lady justice.
…a double-minded man is unstable in all he does– James 1:8
My husband and I have had a few big troublemakers in our lives the past year – one at work, one in our community. We also have a neighbor who sneers at us when taking out the garbage, and we’ve said but five words to him since we’ve moved next door. My husband also shares an office with a troublemaker he’s working with on a short-term project. It’s like sharing an office with one of those scary jack-in-boxes in horror movies. He lies through his teeth to keep his job and takes credit for my husband’s work while smiling wide, obsequious Cheshire cat grins when the boss comes around. Another in our community, well, I’m not so sure of her underlying agendas or issues yet, but since I called her on some decisions she made that felt inequitable, impacting the harmonious dynamics of a lovely community we’re a part of, her claws are out, and boy they’re sharp and scary.
As highly sensitive people, when we don’t have on the armor of God, when we don’t have the gift of discernment in knowing how to best deal with these troublemakers, they can easily get under our skin, disrupting our home and lives, pulling us into their lion’s den.
I have ongoing disagreements with my husband on how best to deal with such people. He’s working hard on ending the bad habit of processing his frustrations about them at home, sometimes obsessively, and thankfully has come to the realization he needs to find a better way. He’s realized their behavior insults his values of integrity and kindness, and he just plain doesn’t like mean people. Yet, he’s also discovered they’re the bullies of his childhood, or they remind him of his jealous, stiff-necked brother who hated and tried to sabotage his boyhood joy. It’s a good thing he’s getting a handle on this — we all need to learn that troublemakers can trigger anger and infect our own unhealed wounds, which also gives them a free pass to our back doors.
A dishonest man spreads strife. -Proverbs 16:28
I have tended in the past to process inwardly, obsessing as I rolled around in my bed in the night, the hundred ways I might get back at them, ways I might make their wrongs right. But thankfully, with my deeper intention for living a holy life, I now seek deeper wisdom through prayer and by talking with friends I trust.
I can of myself do nothing. -John 5:30
I wonder, too, how did Jesus deal with troublemakers? What I discover is that Jesus displays a range of conflicting emotions in dealing with difficult people – from bold confrontation and outrage, to the call to love them. I’m digging into how we might follow some of Jesus’ examples, and looking at scripture that could be of help.
Be the Good Troublemaker:
Jesus was a good troublemaker. As a troublemaker for good, he stood for the oppressed facing injustice caused by individuals, governments and religious establishments of his day.
“We have found this man to be a troublemaker, one who stirs up riots among all the Jews throughout the world, and a ringleader of the sect of the Nazarenes.”
When troublemakers oppress innocent people, we’re called to be bold stirrers of the pot. It’s okay then to start a mini-revolution to be sure justice is served and truth is told.
Tell the scathing truth, get angry:
Jesus was a master at confronting troublemakers. He does so with unabashed boldness, speaking raw truth about their less than nobel actions, and even suggests we should be sharing meals with such people when we do so. So by all means, invite them out to lunch, especially those calling themselves religious, misrepresenting God.
In Luke 11 we read Jesus’ confrontation with the Pharisees, the religious leaders:
The Pharisee saw that Jesus did not wash his hands before he ate. He was surprised. Jesus said to him, `You Pharisees wash the outside of a cup and a dish clean. But inside you are full of greed and wrong ways. You are fools! Did not God make the outside and inside also? He tells them, too, “you do not love God”!
And he calls them on pridefulness.`You Pharisees will have trouble! In the meeting houses you want to sit in the front seats. And in the market you want people to greet you. You will have trouble! You are not true to yourselves! You are like graves that are not marked. Men walk over them and do not know it.‘
And Jesus had no problem calling them serpents, offspring of vipers!
Oh Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness!
When people defiled the temple selling for profit, his anger flares as he flips over the tables, goods spilling all over the temple court floors, rolling into corners, shattering into pieces. – Matthew 23:13
Can we be so bold facing such troublemakers who defile God?
Turn to God and Ignore them:
Let’s face it, some people have the devil on their shoulder. James gives us some advice:
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. – James 4:7
I love this one, especially since we tend to think of the devil as someone who can get the best of us. I also love knowing God has it handled, and I can take a back seat.
In this past situation with the woman in the community, I decided after all to back off from the community because of her negativity and mean streak. I decided not to confront her, and this wisdom came from prayer where I realized she is an irrational person, unable to communicate effectively, and confrontation would only make the situation worse.
Love Your Enemies and Forgive:
Regardless of Jesus’ forthright confrontations and anger, he also modeled how we are called to love and forgive our enemies.
You have heard that it has been said, You shall love your neighbor, and hate your enemy. But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you, and persecute you. Matthew 5:43-48
How can we ever forget his words to those who tortured and killed him on the cross – many, the very Pharisees he condemned.
Father, forgive them for they know not what they do. – Luke 23:24
And how, early in his ministry he cried out for the sake of the ignorant, the troublemakers :
O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, the city that kills the prophets and stones those who are sent to it! How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you were not willing! -Matthew 23:37
He loved them.
Yes, we should both confront and ignore troublemakers — and love and forgive them, too.
And remember, God makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.– Matthew 5:45
Are you troubled by a troublemaker? What are ways you deal with troublemakers?
We love your comments!
Wow, chock full of insights. This: “we all need to learn that troublemakers can trigger anger and infect our own unhealed wounds, which also gives them a free pass to our back doors.”
Yes, I have experienced it and it is when I give it over to God that what was bad can be used by God for good, to bring greater healing and understanding.
So sorry about what you and your husband have been dealing with as it is so hard. Praying God gives you both His wisdom and peace to know how to deal with them…((hugs))
thank you Dolly, so much appreciate you kind words and prayer. It seems they’ve been coming all at once and I’m thinking, wow, this is a spiritual practice! Hugs back!
Such good thoughts here. “Yes, we should both confront and ignore troublemakers — and love and forgive them, too” This is true and is why we need to go to God in prayer to get wisdom to know when and how to confront or ignore. I love how you used examples of the life of Jesus to help us see how to follow his example! Blessings to you! I’m visiting from #RaRaLinkup!
Hi Gayl, dealing with such difficult people has always been hard — the more we abide in God’s grace in these situations we can use them for good! Thanks for visiting today!
Oh this is sooo good. What an exhaustive and incredibly insightful portrait of troublemakers and their behaviors and how we are affected by them and WHAT to do about it.
Here’s where I trip up- which reaction do I have? Each one can be so different and I know each circumstance and situation are individual- so I pray for discernment on what to do- out of all the choices you offer- Jesus offers. But I still struggle with clarity on this… it’s SO hard to navigate our way with troublemakers. I’m SUPER sensitive, so it really rocks me to my core with some of them that have hit me HARD in my heart.
The fall out from the truth telling can be more painful than the initial incident or interaction. Oh, that guts me to the ground. BUT- looking back on those scenarios where I kept my ground in His Truth- well I am so very glad I did. At least I know I honored my God before honoring my fear, the other person, or people involved.
I really relate to what you are saying — how hard it is being super sensitive and how some troublemakers can hit hard in our hearts. And you raise such a good point about how difficult it is to discern which is the best way to deal with them, and that truth telling sometimes can be painful. In this past situation with the woman in the community, I decided after all to back off from the community because of her — and returned to prayer. I decided not to confront her, and this discernment came from prayer — I realized she was too irrational to confront. Although when you decided to confront the troublesome one with the truth, and it hurt a great deal– it seems you had a deeper wisdom in doing so — realizing later it was actually the right and Godly choice. I so deeply appreciate your thoughtfulness about all of this, troublemakers are a real issue in our lives and growing wise in these matters takes time, but also thoughtfulness — and you have this gift and ability to think deeply about things which I admire so much!
Hi Kathy! I was really struck by your insight that people who are negative and mean have “false, yet potent power.” Wow. Now there’s truth. I think we fool ourselves if we don’t realize that bad actions and bad intentioned people have great power over us if we allow it. It takes a very centered person to recognize that it’s not them that has the problem, it’s the other.
Discernment, discernment right? Whether to confront or turn away…it’s a hard decision. Jesus did both, and told His disciples to do both too. If they preached, but were tuned out and ineffective, they were to shake the dust off their feet and go.
I hope that your husband will find just the right way to deal with his office bully. (Doesn’t it always seem like there are people like that in every office?) May God send Him the Spirit in a powerful way. And to you too! Who knows what’s going on with your neighbor?
Blessings,
Ceil
I really appreciate your comment and thoughts on this post..it’s a really a tough one isn’t it, and one to dig deeper into regarding discernment since troublemakers will always be with us..My husband is trying out several ways to deal with the office bully — when he went out and bought him a meal, they guy softened –like he needs love desperately. There’s always something behind the troublemakers’ behavior!
Ah yes, my dear soul sister…….to see our beautiful community that we worked hard to build shattered after only a few months by two difficult and wounded personalities has been heartbreaking. I continue to ask myself what lesson are we supposed to learn in this experience. Like Chris stated, I too am a highly sensitive person and do not handle conflict well with folks who lack empathy. I believe one trait I can comfortably state as a fact, is that most troublemakers lack the empathetic gene and are unable to see any other side of an issue. I have never ever seen a person who lacks this trait develop it in adult years. An organization’s leadership needs to take the time necessary to know a person’s true character before permitting one to take on a leadership role. Once a traumatizing narcissist is placed in a position of power, an entire community is in for a world of hurt. A narcissist’s comfort zone is in the world of SHAME and BLAME. It is critical that leaders have the courage to extract and dismiss toxic destructive people from their organization in order to maintain a caring, safe and cooperative community. As a huge Star Trek Spock fan, I truly believe that “The Needs of the Many, Outweigh the Needs of the Few” and I have always been exceedingly grateful when I have had mentors, bosses and organizational leaders that understand this and have the courage to do the right thing. This may mean surgical removal of the troublemaker. When leadership does not have the courage to do this, I leave organizations and companies and I HAVE NEVER REGRETTED leaving a toxic hostile environment. I only have found that my life is more peaceful and focussed on the joys and beauty of life. Hang in there Kathy….this too shall pass!!!
Ahhh!!! How wise Theresa..”troublemakers lack the empathetic gene”..I think you hit the nail on the head.. Then the question is –is it worth it to confront them? And I agree that these people shouldn’t be allowed in leadership positions, and I also witnessed what good manipulators they can be..but no excuse, you’re correct — and the damage it’s done..as you say, they’re MO is ‘shame and blame’. And how I love your Spock quote!
Wise words here, Theresa!! I think I made the right choice to leave the organization, but hope, too the leadership will be wiser. Really appreciate your insights!!
Oh, such hard things. I can tend to be an obsessive over-processor too. Hoping peace finds its way in each of these situations.
thanks Kelly, it’s all a lesson in discernment and following Christ’s way. The troublemakers will always be with us, it’s how we deal with it. Jesus was a master in dealing with this in so many interesting ways..