Many years ago before I knew God, before I realized I would only find a man to marry when I loved myself, I undermined myself, engaged in frequent negative self-talk, and attracted unavailable or critical men who mirrored and validated my low self-worth.
I was smart, had a good job with the television networks, looked pretty darn good and fashionable on the outside, but depression, shame and self-loathing lurked behind well-crafted masks of professionalism and pseudo self-worth.
Constant loneliness, emotional pain, and sadness lurked in my private darkness. I only met my husband after preeminent grace blessed me with a seed of astonishing wisdom that changed my life — I needed to love myself.
Hildegard of Bingen once said, “I tenderly take the blooms of roses and lilies and all of fecundity into my heart by singing praises of all of God’s works, while you pile pain upon pain upon God’s works…joy is the other side of sadness”.
I know so many women and men – many good, God serving people — still crippled by low self-worth, self-loathing, masked by one kind of addiction or another.
Renowned psychologist, Carl Jung, recognized that even those doing good works for the sake of Christ live in a quiet despair, leaving behind neglected and ugly aspects of themselves in the guise of loving others. Jung says:
“What I do unto the least of my breathen, that I do unto Christ, but what if I should discover that the least amongst them all, the poorest of all beggars, the most impudent of all offenders, yea, the very fiend himself — that these are within me, and that I myself stand in need of the alms of my own kindness, that I myself am the enemy who must be loved – what then?”
It’s stands to point out that when Jesus answers the disciples question, “Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the laws? And Jesus answers, “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second, “Love your neighbor as yourself.‘ No other commandment is greater than these.” – Mark 12:31-39
Love your neighbor as yourself.
That’s profound — the second greatest commandment calls us to love ourselves. In fact, we cannot truly love our neighbors until we first love ourselves.
Once we believe and integrate the astonishing idea that we are made in the image of God, everything ugly about ourselves begins to change shape – self-loathing, self-criticism and shame melt into the fire of agape love where the sparks of self-love form in the womb of God’s love. This is where we discover our most true selves — and we’re awakened to a profound gratefulness for the gift of our lives.
Have you ever felt such a Holy Spirit driven burst of self-love where you want to dance in the street for the very gift your life, where you want to sing praises:
“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made!” – Psalm 139:14
This self-love is not a boastful, arrogant love of ourselves – for when we are branches on the vine of God’s love, such prideful self-love is impossible. Guided by the winds of grace, Godly based self-love lands us in safe harbors of humility, anchored. Here we surrender all, kneeling at the altar of hope, shedding tears, and receiving a blanket of God’s supernatural compassion and fireworks of blessings. For no darkness can hide in the light of God’s love.
Here we begin the profound journey of being forgiven without cost – for our past mistakes including self-loathing, and the consequent ways we’ve hurt of others.
Agape love heals all.
Like the prodigal son who runs from his beloved father, wasting his inheritance with riotous living, then starving, returns home to his father’s welcoming arms, God welcomes us home.
“While he was still far off, his father saw him, and was moved with compassion, and ran, and fell on his neck, and kissed him” –adorning him with the best robe, and a great feast. Let us eat and celebrate, for my son, was dead, and is alive again. He was lost, and is found.’ -Luke 20-24
God’s welcoming love brings us new found wisdom, a new life grounded in self-respect and humility where we’re a new person filled with love for ourselves and others.
To acquire wisdom is to love oneself.- Proverbs 19:8
In this divine self love “it’s no longer I who live, but Christ in me”. – Galations 2:20
In The Relentless Tenderness of Jesus, author Brennan Manning says “a Christ centric life means to live in the heart of Jesus, to share his tastes and aversions, to have the same interests, affections, attitudes, to be motivated in everything by loving compassion.”
With the mind of Christ, self-loathing can never survive.
In God’s love our disempowered selves rise from lies, as we stand tall as God empowered women and men – lights in the world.
Agape love trumps self-criticism. We learn, with flaws and all – weather it’s nagging concerns about how much we weigh, cellulite, wrinkles, and sagging skin — we can truly love ourselves and treat ourselves with care and kindness.
“For no one has ever hated his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it.” – Ephesians 5:29
Grounded in agape love and loving ourselves, we rise unafraid into the wild world world to help others do the same.
“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us…and there is no fear in love.-” 1 John 4:16-19
With Valentines Day coming soon, I wish YOU a Happy one!
Pass it forward!
We love your comments!
Sharing this week with these lovely groups!
Oh gosh… I am in awe of your incredible gift, Kathy. Simply amazing. Once again, you have offered us such an enormous amount of insight and wisdom and encouragement to ponder and pray about and process. This topic is SUCH an important one, and oh do I struggle with this on a continual basis. I will refer to this many times over… with hopes to truly understand how to love myself as God loves me. This speaks to me… Oh, this speaks to me.
“Guided by the winds of grace, Godly based self-love lands us in safe harbors of humility, anchored. Here we kneel at the altar of hope, shed tears, and receive a blanket of God’s supernatural compassion and fireworks of blessings. For no darkness can hide in the light of God’s love.” <— One of several aha moments in reading your piece!
Sharing this everywhere. <3
Thank you, teacher. Thank you.
Your comment really moves me to tears Chris. First, thank you for your encouragement. It means so much that the words God gives touches you deeply. I know far too many women who have undermined themselves, who carry shame, blame, guilt jealousy..oh the list goes on..God loves us, God loves us, and I believe wants us to claim ourselves as children of the light..made in God’s image. Thank you Chris, you are one of the lights in the world.
Hi Kathy! Chris shared your post on FB, so I thought I’d wander over.
That quote from Brennan Manning really hit me between the eyes. The idea that with Christ, there can’t be self loathing is so true, so simple. But I miss that all the time.
Thank you for this lovely support of all of us ‘self-loathers’ (and really, who doesn’t fall into that from time to time?). We need to see as Jesus sees.
Nice to meet you!
Ceil
Thanks for visiting Ceil and don’t you love that Chris!! She’s a blessing! Yes, we all do fall into the ‘self-loathing’ pit, what
what a joy to know there’s the promise of self-love available to us all the time, anywhere..it’s a matter of returning to the mind and heart of Christ!
I’m not sure why we’re so slow to love yourselves. 🙁 But yes, if we’re to love others as ourselves, we need to love ourselves! This is my month to focus on “self-compassion” so this post is exactly what I needed to read. Thanks, Kathy.
I’m so glad this inspires you during this month of focusing on “self-compassion” Lisa! I’ll join you on that one! Blessings!
For years I struggled with the way I am wired. I felt like I was the only woman on earth God created to be feisty, strong-willed and determined. Just recently God showed me why he created me this way- “Not to fight against people in the flesh, but to fight against the enemy in the spirit.” It literally changed the way I saw myself. God is so good. He intricately made us in His image, but for some reason we tend to not appreciate the masterpiece. This post was so good! Thank you for sharing it today! It’s such confirmation for me to embrace the way God made me.
Some very strong-willed and determined women were leaders in Old Testament, New Testament and throughout the history of Christianity for God’s purpose! I love the wisdom you received that your strong will is fight against the enemy in the spirit! You are so right in that we don’t appreciate the masterpiece! So well said! Thanks for visiting today, Alisa!
Wow. Who doesn’t struggle with this? Thankfully not just me.
I appreciate all of these reminders, as I find this one hard to conquer completely. Great word.
Happy Tuesday!!!
(Your #testimonialtuesday neighbor.)
Megs
Hi Megs, we always need reminders..so many struggle with this daily! Thanks for coming by! Blessings!
You’ve nailed it! All too often we just read the first part “Love your neighbor” and forget that we’re supposed to be loving them in the same way we love OURSELVES. It explains a lot of churlish behavior, doens’t it?
Love that ‘churlish behavior’! Yes, Anita!!
What a perfect Valentine’s Day gift to us all dear Kathy. A very important question for all of us to ask is: How did God’s desire for us to love ourselves become “lost in translation”? I won’t belabor the influence of my Catholic upbringing but need to state that the constant messages that “I was not good enough” came from the doctrines of: Being born with original sin, being reminded at every mass that I was a sinner and images of endless saints that suffered horrific torture to prove their love of God. Oy vay…what is a little girl to think about herself with all these messages? Kathy, thank you for bringing to light the many biblical passages that underscore the true love God and Christ have for humanity. Thank you also for bringing Carl Jung’s quote into your writing. Jung’s work is pivotal for the rewiring that we must do in order to know that it is divine work to understand BOTH our light and shadow sides. We cannot IGNORE our shadow sides . Only through our integration of our WHOLE SELVES will we become the authentic persons that God needs us to be to accomplish our purpose on this planet in our lifetime. I am finally learning that once I understand and accept my shadow self, I am more accepting, loving and compassionate . As a result, I am closer to accomplishing what I believe is one of my greatest purposes in my lifetime: the creation of peaceful, soul enriching and harmonious communities wherever I find myself.
That’s a perfect question, “How did God’s desire for us to love ourselves become “lost in translation”? I, too, faced similar messages from my Catholic upbringing..it took years to unravel — such negative impressive on young people. It took reading and studying the Bible
to really understand — when we live our lives in the light of God’s love we move toward wholeness. Thank you always for your meaningful reflections!
Kathy, your post IS quite similar to mine this week! I love all the quotes and research you put into it. Prideful love isn’t possible when you experience agape love. That’s great. I think so many people are truly afraid to love themselves, for fear that it will be prideful. And that is not at ALL what the love of God that allows us to love ourselves is all about. Great post, and much needed!
thanks Mary for your comment and visiting! Yes, it’s impossible to be prideful with the love of God as the source of our life! So glad we were on the same page with our thoughts this week! Blessings to you!
Thank you for this reminder, Kathy! As the daughter of a professional image consultant, I have always struggled with self-image issues. To hear how you could be so beautiful and successful, yet still struggle with loving yourself is pretty astounding. How often we compare our insides to others’ outsides! Your piece reminds me of how vulnerable we ALL are to insecurity. Thanks so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom.
I can imagine how you’d struggle with a parent who is an image consultant! I think so many women, professional women included, struggle
with not loving themselves..but a loving God promises much better! Thank you for visiting Linda!